Discipline and Fatherhood

The father’s role in discipline

Traditionally, in homes with working fathers and stay-at-home mothers, the father’s role in discipline was to serve as the final word or the hand of punishment, as in, “Just wait until your father gets home.” Despite the evolving practices of discipline, the father’s purpose for delivering it remains basically the same, which is to cultivate a mature and responsible person who is less prone to throwing fits and less likely to disrespect others along the way. Any father would do well to remember that, before being his child’s buddy or pal, he is the child's father.

Here are some other tips to help fathers use discipline effectively.

Be consistent

It is utterly impossible to be 100% consistent, all of the time. It doesn’t hurt, however, to strive for it while expecting something a bit less than that.

For example, it’s important to keep your emotions even-keeled each time you administer discipline. Children are all about testing your limits and seeing how far they can take something, which is reason No. 1 to stay on top of your emotions and not let them get the better of you. Always aim to portray a sense of calm when disciplining your children.  

Additionally, mom and dad should agree on discipline and, above all, they shouldn’t contradict each other in front of the children. When parents appear inconsistent their disciplinary stance is weakened and children will see an opportunity for future exploitation. You have to be smarter than your children. If you find a point of contention, let it ride and discuss it in private. Parents have the right to return to an issue and change the punishment. And if mom insists on vetoing you in front of the kids, she might need a little discipline as well.

Tie actions to consequences

Younger children will not connect their crimes to the discipline as quickly as older children, but you should always try to tie their actions to the consequences, which may involve a bit of explanation -- depending on the age.

This also means not attaching unrealistic consequences to the behavior. For example, informing your child that one more outburst will mean that he will never watch TV again is simply unenforceable, and in the long run it compromises you as a disciplinarian. To that end, punishments that fit the crime will always serve both you and your child better than extensive and unnecessary punishments such as grounding; these types of punishments may give your child no motivation to change his behavior. Time-outs are believed to be effective for children as old as 5, but as they enter the age where they begin to spend time around other kids and adults, they should begin to better understand the consequences of their behavior.

Acknowledge good behavior

Your child will respond to even the smallest recognition from you regarding his good behavior and letting him know that you have noticed goes a long way in reinforcing that behavior.

This does not necessarily mean that all good behavior should be rewarded by something more than your acknowledgment. This calls to mind a common practice among even the best of parents: bribery. This parental tactic typically involves the utterance of some phrase that sounds like the following: “If you stop asking to go to the park, then I’ll play catch with you later.” When you resort to bribery as a form of discipline, you’re likely in panic mode. Nonetheless, once you’ve entered into bribery you generally want to get your child to end the behavior of the moment (the “if”) by any means necessary, which usually involves some later payoff (the “then). Try to overcome the temptation to offer a bribe, since continuing to offer them will result in a child coming to expect them. If that happens, you have dug yourself a very deep hole -- one that is extremely difficult to climb out of.

Avoid the temptation to constantly dish out rewards or bribes to get your child to behave properly and you’ll find that you’ll help your child to develop self-discipline.

Get involved in discipline and rewarding

It too often becomes common for one parent to dole out all the discipline for bad behavior and for the other parent to deliver the rewards for good behavior -- essentially creating good cop/bad cop. Kids are intuitive and can quickly figure out that each parent has a different role -- that one can be cajoled and the other one can’t. In general, keeping a rigid discipline structure between the parents creates the kind of imbalance that works against your efforts to teach your child the meaning of the discipline.

Be prepared to feel guilty

No father wants to make his son or daughter feel bad by disciplining them with firmness, but there are negative consequences that can affect your child later in life if you’re not tough enough.

Guilt is the unfortunate side effect to being a firm but fair disciplinarian. The truth is, however, that a father has to think about the future of his child and can’t get distracted by the immediate “pain” he is causing his child. A good father, despite the crocodile tears, has to do the right thing for his kid, even if for the moment it means becoming bad cop.

Physical discipline

Physical discipline presents one of the most controversial issues in all of parenting. Most parent care organizations discourage it because:

• It can cause physical harm.
• It suggests that hitting while angry is acceptable.
•  It may inadvertently "reward" children seeking attention.
• It promotes fear, which can promote avoiding getting caught.

The AAP offers more tips on discipline at its website (www.aap.org). The decision to use physical discipline, however, is one that all parents need to make according to their beliefs and value systems.

the golden rule of discipline

Remember who you are, "You're a father, not a friend."

What prevents your sperm from counting?

From modern technology to tight pants, many things are said to affect a man's sperm count. With the help of some experts, we separate the facts from the fiction.

Maintaining a healthy sperm count can be tricky, with stress, regular use of technology and obesity just three examples of the factors commonly listed as potential causes of male infertility.

But do these — and other — factors really affect the sperm count of the modern man? How big a threat do they pose to male fertility? And which are simply old wives tales with no basis in scientific fact?

We've consulted the experts to separate the myths from the the reality.

Fertility facts
All too often, fertility problems are seen as a female issue. "Male fertility problems certainly aren't given enough exposure; much of the focus is with the woman, but the male factor represents 50 per cent of the cause of fertility issues," points out fertility clinic worker Shaheen Hashmat.

"Additionally, although only one sperm is needed to fertilise an egg, and specific procedures such ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection, where the sperm is injected into the egg) can be used to overcome issues such as low sperm count or motility, the quality of that sperm is also very important."

Electronics
The effect of mobile phone use on sperm count remains a hot topic, and while there is currently no hard scientific proof that the two are connected, recent studies suggest that prolonged use certain types of computers and laptops can affect sperm count.

"Recent reports suggesting that carrying and using mobile phones on a daily basis can reduce male fertility have yet to be scientifically validated," says a spokesperson at London-based fertility clinic The Bridge Centre. "However, recent studies suggest that prolonged use of laptop computers — especially those with infrared connectivity — may have an adverse effect."

Sexually transmitted diseases
Although studies have failed to prove that sexually transmitted diseases have a direct effect on sperm count, many such infections can lead to conditions which do.

"While initial reports don't show a decrease in sperm motility and count by direct contact with STDs, gonococcal and chlamydial infections can lead to prostatitis and epididymitis, which can then cause obstruction of the ductal system leading to impaired fertility," says Dr Larry Lipshultz, a world-renowned expert in male fertility and founder of the website infertility-male.com.

High temperatures
It's thought that hot baths, regular Jacuzzi use and high central heating temperatures can all affect sperm production.

Although we're not suggesting restricting all future holidays to locations within the Arctic circle, studies have shown that regular exposure to high temperatures can affect sperm count. "Try to keep your testicles cool," suggests Shaheen at Zita West. "Sperm production occurs at three to four degrees lower than body temperature."

Tight pants
If you've got a penchant for tight pants, the good news is despite the popular urban myth, there's little research to suggest that your love of budgie-hugging underwear will leave you infertile.

"Most studies comparing loose boxers v tight briefs do not show a significant effect on semen quality," points out Larry Lipshultz. "In clinical practice, the type of underwear does not appear to have a significant effect."

Obesity
We all know that being overweight isn't great, but the bad news is that having a high body mass index (BMI) can have a huge effect on male fertility.

"Being overweight can increase the temperature of the testicles through the formation of fat deposits in the groin area, but can also increase the level of oestrogen circulating in the body," warns Dr Allan Pacey, senior lecturer in andrology at the University of Sheffield's Academic Unit of Reproductive and Developmental Medicine.

"Both of these will make the testicles work less efficiently. In general if men have a BMI greater than 30, they are three times more likely to be sub-fertile. However, there is no evidence that losing weight will improve matters - that study hasn't yet been done."

Smoking
In the same way that we all know being overweight is bad, it's common knowledge the cancer sticks aren't exactly a quick route to a long life either.

However, cigarettes also lower many of the key ingredients that sperm need to function. "Smoking isn't healthy under any circumstances and tobacco smoke contains chemicals that weaken sperm function and deplete the antioxidants, especially vitamin C, that neutralise the damaging free radicals," reveals a spokesperson at The Bridge Centre. "Give up right now is the only advice you need."

Alcohol
The bad news is that alcohol has an immediate effect on sperm count. The good news? Giving your body a significant break from alcohol can quickly correct the situation.

"A heavy social drinking session will temporarily reduce your sperm count and regular heavy drinking damages the tubes that carry semen, reduces motility and increases the numbers of abnormal sperm cells," warns a spokesperson at The Bridge Centre. "Giving up alcohol completely for three to six months can, on its own, be sufficient to restore fertility if you drink heavily and have been doing so for some time."

Sex
It shouldn't come as a huge surprise that making a baby involves having sex. But what many men fail to realise is that regular sex also helps to maintain a high sperm count.

"If you're trying for a baby, forget about the big focus on her 'fertile' time," suggests Shaheen Hashmat. "You need to be having sex at least every two or three days. You do not need to save up the sperm — if you abstain from sex, the proportion of dead sperm will increase. The key thing is to make sure there is a good supply of fresh, healthy sperm at the ready."

Stress
Long hours at work or stress in your private life can have a disastrous effect on sperm count.

"Stress at work or home leads to high levels of adrenaline and the release of other hormones which can restrict blood flow to the testes and inhibit sperm production," explains a spokesperson at The Bridge Centre. "Stress can also lead to the release of chemical by-products, known as free radicals, which damage sperm."

Recreational drugs
When it comes to maintaining a healthy sperm count, it should come as no surprise that recreational drugs should be avoided at all costs.

"Cannabis leads to a lowered sperm count and an increase in abnormal sperm," says a spokesperson at The Bridge Centre. "Smoking one joint lowers testosterone levels for up to 36 hours while cocaine negatively affects sperm motility and inhibits fertilisation. Avoid muscle-building drugs, too. Anabolic steroids may boost sex drive in the short term but, in the long term, they have the opposite effect and can cause a significant drop in sperm count."

Find out more
If you're worried about your sperm count or fear there might be a problem, a simple test at a fertility clinic could put your mind at rest.

"Have a semen analysis done by a fertility clinic," "If you're not registered with a fertility clinic, have a semen analysis done by a urologist. This is the best way to determine if you will have any issues."Don't wait till you get married... DO IT NOW!!!

Top 5 unexpected turn-ons for women

5. Playing hard to get
It's no surprise men love women who play hard to get so we were shocked (and somewhat pleased) to read results of recent research that suggest women are more attracted to men that play hard ball in the mating game.

Dr Whitchurch's findings, published in Psychological Science, showed that women are more attracted to men who are vague about their feelings towards them. Her research suggests the reason for this is all the increased thinking a woman does when she's not sure of her partner's intentions. Perfect news for us!

4. Geeks
OK, so when you think 'geek' you think Hawaiian-shirt wearing, bespectacled, game-droid guys like those out ofRevenge of the Nerds. And by all means- we're not saying that women find this look attractive. What we are saying is that women find it endearing when we show those awkward idiosyncrasies: "My boyfriend frequently wakes himself up by singing….. I find that cute," says Manisha, 26.

Sure, stuff like this isn't something you'd share at the pub with mates but they are worth sharing with your girlfriend if it means it turns her on.

3. Vulnerability
We like to believe we’re the superior gender and, most of the time, we (think we) are. However, what women find a turn on is not our omniscience but our (rare) vulnerability when we admit we just don't know it all. Ladies love it when we ask them to impart their knowledge or show us how to do something.

So, next time you're stuck with a flat tyre and have no idea what a jack even is, let her know that the last tyre you changed was on a Matchbox car or, better yet, ask her advice. Hey, you guys might even move from the tyre to the backseat in not time!

2. Rough Around the Edges
It's no surprise that women swoon over the stereotypical 'handy man' man and to be frank, most of us sit in front of the computer all day and lack their adroit skill and physique. BUT, thankfully for all us office-dwellers, as long as we have marks like blemishes, scars and calluses, women see this as proof that we've endured manly pain and get aroused by that — it heightens the feeling of being protected. So, next time you hit the gym, leave those gloves behind and be a man.

1. Body odour

I know what you are thinking, but this is not that exactly. There is a fine line that men have to toe when it comes to body odour(natural smell). Unfortunately, some of us lose our footing and land head first into either the cologne-OD side or the BO-bomb side. But, if we're brilliantly balanced, our natural fumes can make ladies sexually aroused.

Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, discovered that a compound found in male sweat can cause a number of emotional and physiological changes in women. The male underarm odour, for example, activates certain brain areas, improving woman's mood and increasing sexual arousal.

So, next time you're if-ing about whether to cologne or not cologne, put down the bottle and let your stench roam free.

World's Heaviest Woman Pauline Potter Credits Sex For 98-Pound Weight Loss

Pauline Potter became the world's heaviest living woman last year, weighing a whopping 643 pounds. Now, Potter has her sights set on losing weight, and she's turned to marathon sex sessions to help shed the pounds.

In an interview with the UK's Closer magazine, Potter described how her reignited sex life with ex-husband Alex has helped her lose 98 pounds.

“I can’t move much in bed, but I burn 500 calories a session –- it’s great exercise just jiggling around," Potter told Closer. Potter, who had been consuming 10,000 calories a day, hopes to reach her goal weight of 532 pounds with the help of Alex. The two have sex up to seven times each day.

She makes sure to have some fun, too. 

I can’t move much in bed, but I burn 500 calories a session –- it’s great exercise just jiggling around,

                                                             

“We love foreplay and massages and, as well as full sex, I pleasure Alex, too," she told the magazine. "My bed is strengthened and, although I can’t buy sexy lingerie, I drape a nice sheet over me.”

After meeting online in 2002, the couple married in 2005 and, when Potter failed to bond with Alex's son, the two split up three years later. The break-up triggered Potter's weight gain. She began consuming copious amounts of high-calorie foods and packed on the pounds.

With all the extra weight on her, Potter became depressed. She contacted the Guinness Book of World Records in hopes that winning the title of "World's Heaviest Woman" would shame her into losing weight.

When Alex got wind of the publicity surrounding Potter, he decided to visit her and the flame was quickly rekindled. 

Pauline Potter looking happy

                                                             

“Within the first day of being back together we had sex six times in 24 hours," Alex told the Sun last November. “Even though one of Pauline’s legs weighs more than I do, we’re able to position her body to make sex enjoyable for both of us."

Alex, who weighs just 140 pounds, does most of the work in the bedroom.

“It’s really dangerous for us to have sex because at any moment the bed could collapse and one or both of us could be seriously injured or even killed from the impact," he told the Sun.

But using sex for weight loss is not an unheard of activity. 

                                

"Shagging can make you slimmer, if you do enough of it," Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright, a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc., wrote for Fox News in 2008. "It can also help the two of you fall for each other all over again. Requiring no monthly fee — dress code optional – you can 'sexercise' yourself into shape. This is one gym membership you’ll never want to drop."

Dr. Fulbright, who has contributed to The Huffington Post and who earned her Ph.D. in International Community Health Studies at New York University, also writes that a good "sexercise" routine can not only lead to weight loss, but also to improved blood flow, strengthening of the heart, better cholesterol, better sleep, more energy, improved muscle tone and decreased stressed.

While Potter's sex life is speeding at full-throttle, she's also reined in her eating habits. She no longer eats 10,000 calories per day, though she still enjoys the occasional Big Mac.

MAN DENIES HAVING SEX WITH Ex- WIFE'S DOG

An English woman who refused to go to bed with her ex-husband was shocked to find him having sex with her dog soon afterwards, a jury heard today.

Kelly Thacker could not believe her eyes when she went upstairs to her bedroom and saw her naked ex husband Nicholas Saunders trying to penetrate her bull mastiff Sasha, it was alleged.

“Ms Thacker just couldn’t believe what she was seeing to start off with so she looked away and then looked again,” said prosecutor Frank Abbott at Gloucester crown court.

Mr Abbott said that by that stage Mr Saunders was having full sexual intercourse with the dog.

Ms Thacker ordered Mr Saunders ‘in no uncertain terms’ to leave the house, Mr Abbott said.

At first Saunders protested that he was tired and wanted to stay but eventually he did leave – although he later returned saying he wanted to talk to her.

Mr Abbott said Saunders, 46, of Bell Lane, Lechlade, Glos, had been at her house that night because he had called on her after being thrown out by his new girlfriend following a row.

Ms Thacker agreed to let him stay the night – but made it plain she would not be having sex with him and went downstairs, leaving him in her bedroom, Mr Abbott said.

The couple’s two daughters were asleep in their rooms in the house at the time.

When Saunders was arrested after she found him having sex with Sasha he agreed to give an intimate sample and dog’s DNA was found, added Mr Abbott.

Mr Saunders has pleaded not guilty to having sex with a female dog on Jan 15th last year. Mr Abbott told the jury of seven women and five men at the start of the trial that they must not let feelings of revulsion or amusement about the case affect their judgement.

The trial continues.

Kill a Mosquito or go to JAIL

Police arrested 53 people for failing to eliminate stagnant water and other mosquito breeding grounds as Sri Lanka tries to prevent dengue fever, which has infected thousands already this year.

Police, army and health officers searched 11,500 houses in the capital Colombo over seven hours on the 1st of july, police spokesman Ajith Rohana said.

Those arrested for not cleaning up their surrounding environment face fines and up to six months in jail.

He said this is the first time police made such a large number of arrests from Colombo for failing to clean mosquito breeding places.

Dengue fever has killed 74 people this year and infected 15,000.

Health officials say it has increased because residents have become more careless about cleaning their properties and eliminating mosquito breeding grounds.

The flu-like illness is spread by the Aedes mosquito and spikes during the annual monsoons, when the rains leave puddles of stagnant water where the insects breed.

In Sri Lanka, the southwest monsoon that usually begins in May lasts until September.

Dengue starts suddenly with a high fever, rash, severe headache and pain behind the eyes and in the muscles and joints. The severity of the joint pain has given dengue the name “breakbone fever.” Nausea, vomiting and loss of appetite also are common.

Deputy prime minister Sri Lanka Muyiddhin Yassin

                         

The government said last week 10,000 security forces had been deployed to help dengue eradication efforts this month. They help to search houses and buildings to detect breeding places and join other public workers to clean public buildings and places.

BEING SMART CAN COST YOU

A private German economics and business university is suing one of its students for lost income after he finished his Bachelors and Masters degrees in about a quarter of the normal time.

Marcel Pohl completed 60 examinations in 20 months, gaining a grade of 2.3, and was officially ex-matriculated in August 2011. Such a course usually takes 11 semesters, but he only needed three.

Now the Essen-based School of Economics and Management (FOM) want the 22-year-old to pay his fees up the end of 2011 – an extra €3,000.

“When I got the lawsuit, I thought it couldn’t be true,” Pohl, who now works for a bank in Frankfurt, said. “Performance is supposed to be worth something.”

Pohl completed his turbo degree by dividing up all the simultaneous lectures with two friends and then swapping notes.

At the same time, he completed an apprenticeship in a bank.

“We didn’t get any freebies, and we agreed our plans in advance with the school,” Pohl said.

“We’re always against slow students,” said his lawyer Bernhard Kraas. “But when someone hurries and finishes early, suddenly he has to pay. That can’t be right.”

But the FOM argues that its fees are the total price for the studies, independent of how long the studies last.

But if that it is the case, it remains unclear why they are only calling for a part of the cost for 11 semesters.

“We do not want to comment on the case before it has reached court,” a university spokesman said.